Seven Tips for Backpack Safety

By Michael Cravens

When you were in school, how did you wear your backpack? On one shoulder? Worn high? Hanging low? When I think back, I used to bring home a bunch of books and I'm sure it strained my back!

These days, kids have many options for backpacks. Over this past summer, I had my son, Ethan, pick out a backpack and I ordered it online. When the backpack came in he noted that it had wheels. I was just trying to save his back a little strain but apparently wheels are not currently in style. The day was saved when I found a set of 'hidden' straps that he could use to put the backpack on his - back.

So I decided to do some research to find out the proper way for children to wear their backpacks. Ethan may not appreciate it now, but I want to prevent him from getting shoulder, neck and back pain later in life. Trends may come and go, but what doesn't change is the proper way for children to wear their backpacks. Turns out that kids routinely carrying a heavy backpack load can put pressure on children's forming spines and can lead to neck and back problems.

Dr. Chad Parsons of the Advanced Corrective Chiropractic in Lansdowne, Virginia warns parents of the adverse affects of overloaded, improperly worn backpacks. "Wearing backpacks incorrectly causes postural abnormalities in children," says Parsons. "Abnormalities that can eventually lead to scoliosis. More often, backpacks which are too heavy and worn improperly cause anterior head syndrome, resulting in neck strain and headaches.

According to Parsons, unevenly distributed weight causes children to list to the left or right, causing an unnatural curve of the spine. And too much weight puts pressure on their shoulders, which leads to spinal compression, hunching over and poor posture.

In the spirit of injury prevention, National School Backpack Awareness Day is held on the third Wednesday of every September. Here are some tips from the American Chiropractic Association for preventing backpack related injuries.

Are your children's backpacks too heavy? Look for the following signs:

• They struggle to lift and put their backpack on.
• They lean forward to compensate for the weight.
• They lean backward to compensate for the weight.
• There are red marks on their shoulders where their backpack straps are digging in.

The proper way for your children to wear their backpacks: Tips from the American Chiropractic Association

1. Make sure your child's backpack weighs no more than 10 to 15 percent of his or her body weight. A heavier backpack will cause your child to bend forward in an attempt to support the weight on his or her back, rather than on the shoulders, by the straps.
2. The backpack should never hang more than four inches below the waistline. A backpack that hangs too low increases the weight on the shoulders, causing your child to lean forward when walking.
3. A backpack with individualized compartments helps in positioning the contents most effectively. Place the heaviest items in the main compartment, closest to your child's back.
4. Bigger is not necessarily better. The more room there is in a backpack, the more your child may carry-and the heavier the backpack will be.
5. Urge your child to wear both shoulder straps. Lugging the backpack around by one strap can cause the disproportionate shift of weight to one side, leading to neck and muscle spasms, as well as low-back pain.
6. Wide, padded straps are very important. Non-padded straps are uncomfortable, and can dig into your child's shoulders.
7. The shoulder straps should be adjustable so the backpack can be fitted to your child's body. Straps that are too loose can cause the backpack to dangle uncomfortably and cause spinal misalignment and pain.

"Remember," Parsons tells parents. "It's easier to correct and prevent spine problems when your kids are young and their bones are not yet fully formed."

For more information check out the American Chiropractic Association's consumer health tips. 

Six Tips to Reduce the Stress of Leaving Your Infant for the First Time

By Christina Zulandi

"I'm not coming," I hear the shaky voice on the other end of the phone tell me. "I just can't leave her. Not yet."

That was Jill three weeks ago when she backed out of our plans for a "girls night out." Her daughter, Ashley, was 13 weeks old at the time, and this was the first night Jill had planned to be away from her.

No big deal; I understood of course. I think all moms (and dads) would understand! Fact is, whether you're a working mom or stay-at-home mom, it's inevitable: you will leave your baby for the first time, sometime.

Leaving your newborn can be one of the most stressful parts of being a new parent: you'll likely feel guilty, anxious, worried and scared. And whether you're gone for five minutes or five hours, your baby will be on your mind the whole time.

What if he or she gets hungry? What if he cries and no one hears him? What if whoever is watching him doesn't understand what he wants? Will he sit in a dirty diaper? Will he go to bed on time? Will he get the love and attention he needs?

The truth is everyone deals with leaving their infant for the first time differently. While some parents are anxious and call every hour, others are simply happy for a break, no matter how short it may be.

Neither way is right or wrong. And the good news is that it gets easier every time. Here are six tips to make leaving your infant for the first time easier and less stressful than you ever imagined:

1. Start in small time increments. This is especially helpful if you're going back to work. The eight hours you spend at the office will probably feel more like eight days. So if you know you'll have to leave your baby for long periods at a time, try to start small. Run to the grocery store. Run to the bank. Do something quick the first time around and slowly build up to those longer stretches.
   
   
2. Leave when your baby is sleeping. Leaving when your baby is awake and looking at you increases the guilt and anxiety you already feel. So if your care provider's schedule is flexible, put your baby down and sneak out while he or she is snoozing. Your baby might not even know you were gone until you get back.
   
   
3. Pump extra. If you're breast feeding, pump extra to leave behind. Because your baby relies on you for everything he or she needs, you may feel like your abandoning him or her the first time you leave. You're not; don't feel guilty. Pumping extra will help you stay calm if anything (like traffic, for example) keeps you from getting home on schedule. So plan ahead for peace of mind; you can store your milk for up to a week in the refrigerator and six months in the freezer.
   
   
4. Leave your baby with a loved one. If you're concerned your baby won't get the love and attention he or she needs while you're gone, you're not alone. Most new parents worry as much or more about their babies' emotional needs than their physical ones. To contend with this worry, leave your baby with a relative or with a good friend the first time you go.
   
   Of course, not everyone is fortunate enough to have parents or loved ones close by. So remember that Sitters.com has built-in tools that allow you to screen every care provider's profile for the exact experience and qualities that match for your child and his or her specific needs. (Not to mention complete access to background checks and our All-Mom Editorial Team.)
   
   
5. Call home. You're baby will be on your mind; there's no getting around that. Calling home will keep you from worrying and give you the peace of mind you need to focus on your work or to have a good time. And don't worry about being “annoying” or “paranoid.” Any good sitter will understand your concerns and happily update you on your baby's status.
   
   
6. Now relax and have a good time. Enjoying yourself isn't selfish, and it doesn't make you a bad parent. Take this time away to do something enjoyable for yourself. Reconnect with your husband, go to the gym - just get out and do something for yourself. This will help make your first time away from your infant a more pleasant experience. In fact, you'll be surprised how renewed and refreshed this little “break” can make you if you follow these tips and cut the stress out of your first time away from your newborn.

Avoid Raising a Mamma's Boy

By Mike Cravens, CEO, Sitters.com

Mamma's boys. We all know at least one. I hear women talk about bad dates with this type of guy; having to listen to him talk about his mom during an entire dinner. Some mamma's boys have their mother make all of the decisions for him. We all love our mother and most of us have a healthy relationship with our parents. However, mamma's boys have unhealthy relationship issues with their mother that tend to start at a young age and develop into serious issues later in life.

I ran into one earlier this summer. I watched this guy lose his mind over perceived disrespect to his mother. Turns out that a full seven months had past between the "incident" and this guy's temper tantrum. Putting all details aside, if the "incident" was as terrible as this guy made it out to be, why would he let seven months go by without saying anything? The reality is that there was no incident. The guy is a mamma's boy and acted out with the typical emotional immaturity that all mamma's boys seem to possess.

I pondered how this guy turned into what he is today. When it comes to his mother, he lies, exaggerates, spreads rumors, and looks at anyone interacting with his mother as threatening. How the heck did this guy grow up to become so insecure? I decided to do some research to find out and, more importantly, to share with you how we can avoid the same pitfalls.

Turns out that mamma's boys have a tendency to overreact in general, but when it comes their mother, they get extremely irrational. Momma's boys tend to let their insecurity manifest into anger and lash out against people in unfounded bursts. Being aware that such behavior is not normal, they tend to justify their actions by exaggerating the reasons for their outbursts. Their families, having grown up with this type of behavior, tend to brush it off with comments like, "He's always been this way about mom." The reality is that this type of person will only gain emotional maturity when their families hold him accountable and when he learns to apologize rather than justify.

So how can we go about not raising a mamma's boy? Dr. Maria Kelly, a pediatric professor at the University of Florida explains that a mother can consciously practice some male code behaviors. In doing so, it is important for mothers to realize that males and females deal with situations and environments differently. "This is normal, and she should not try to feminize normal male-patterned behavior," says Dr. Kelly. "For example, she should try not to solve problems for him, and she should encourage him to develop his 'manly' ways to resolve his issues."

Keep in mind that we're not talking about a normal bond that mothers and sons share. The unhealthy relationship that can manifest into a mamma's boy situation is a mother having a closeness with her son in order to fill a void. "Although one can argue either way, a strong parental bond is essential for success in today's stressful world," says Dr. Kelly. "A good maternal relationship with children, whether male or female, should be based on parental consistency, patience, open communication and, especially, love. These parental virtues are the most successful at developing a psychologically competent child in an at-times difficult world."

For starters, help your son develop his own identity. Your son should have his own interests, hobbies, and friends that do not require constant input from mom. Your son having some time away from mom is healthy and should be encouraged.

Just about every mom experiences loneliness from time to time but a mom should not become dependent on her son to fill a void. Attend baseball practice, scouts, and school field trips but also take time for yourself.

As your son gets older, do not interfere in your son's love life. Provide limited input without prying and be happy for your son when he's happy.

Allow your son to make important decisions on his own. You've raised a strong, confident, and smart thinker. He'll stumble from time to time but in the end he will do the right thing. Making his own decisions increases self esteem and leads to a healthier mother-son relationship.

Please feel free to post your comments below and share your story.

Interview with Kimberley Clayton Blaine

By Mike Cravens, CEO, Sitters.com

As you probably know by now, we often feature Kimberley Clayton Blaine in our blog. Kimberley runs The Go-To Mom (www.thegotomom.tv) and offers great advice on parenting. This week’s post features an interview with Kimberley on her new book!

Interview Q & A with Kimberley Clayton Blaine, Author of Mommy Confidence: 8 Easy Steps to Reclaiming Balance, Motivation and Your Inner Diva

Why did you write this book?
I wrote Mommy Confidence as an easy step-by-step guide to help a mom accept all aspects of her mommyhood - whether she is a full-time mom, works outside the home, or is an entrepreneur. There are so many hidden feelings—attitudes that a lot of women have in common about being a mom—but for some reason we don’t share them or verbalize them with each other.

My steps help a mommy get back on track to being her true, authentic self. The self that most women think they have lost or could probably never attain. I believe that if all women band together and stop competing we can gracefully transition into motherhood without incorporating all the unrealistic ideals that society has preserved over the years.

Moms often hear they need to cut things out of their schedules to manage life better, but you say something different. Tell us about that.
Yes, simplifying makes life a lot easier, especially on an over-burdened mommy. However, I believe moms need to do more than just cut things out. A well-balanced mom will find more motivation engaging in the things that bring her vitality, if she actually takes the time to do so. Taking a short break is not enough. Moms need to actively seek out former self-care activities they used to do before they had children.

You encourage mothers to fake confidence and you give a very funny example in your book about how you fake it. How does faking confidence work? If you keep telling someone something with conviction, over and over again, he or she will eventually believe it. It’s the concept of brainwashing, but for us I’ll call it brain pampering! Believe me, it works. I’m my own worst critic. I find the most beneficial time for me to fake-it is when I find everyday conversations and thoughts are overtaken with self-pity or negativity. Self-denigration is toxic and stops the body from allowing good energy to flow.

Apparently you are a type-A mom and are very vocal about how you don’t do things perfectly as a mom, so how did you narrow your steps down to eight? Do you practice all eight steps yourself?
Yes, I invented the steps! I consider myself a very confident women, however, I still need resources and a good support system to maintain my mommy well-being. I often live by the steps especially when I fall off the mommy wagon. For example, sometimes I get into a slump and need to refresh my mommy soul. The eight steps are a good place to start. A mom can add her own steps as well. All mommies need a "pick-me-up" every now and then or something to motivate her to become a fulfilled woman again -- that’s what the book does.

Your book has some unique advice and an innovative perspective. For example, you mention that mommy competition can affect a mom’s self-esteem. Can you tell us more about that?
The more women continue the cycle of female or mommy competition the less chance we have to build a universal female support system. Women need women. Little girls need to be taught to celebrate the successes of other girls while still embracing their differences. If women support other women, and I mean confident women, then our daughters will learn that there is no place for clique-ish, catty behavior and that others who exceed far beyond us shall be applauded. This stance starts in the home and is taught by mothers.

By adhering to the concept of "Women as a team" we begin to break the traditional roles for women in the workplace. Women don't hire other women in today’s current economy. Men hire women. I truly believe that once women begin to support one another, then we can move up the corporate ladder more easily and frequently. If I were a CEO you better bet I’d hire a woman for an executive position! And if she were a mom it would be even more likely.

The Go-To Mom is a great name. How did you come up with it?
At first it was kind of a joke. Many moms call on me -- whether they are looking for the right birthday present, when to start their baby on cheerios, or how to tame the toddler tantrum. So naturally, The Go-To Mom fit. I knew it was the right title when I was helping my girlfriend register at one of those huge baby super stores, and I found that we had a trail of moms following us around to hear my reviews on the all products.

The Go-To Mom.TV is a webshow for parents with young children and is syndicated on the Internet to a very large audience. How did you get into that? Is that your main business?
Yes, my main mission is to educate American parents about the best child rearing practices. The Go-To Mom's mission is to give parents invaluable information in a short period of time. I'm a specialist in non-coercive, non-aggressive parenting, and I am a hands-on mom. I teach moms and dads the basics of parenting through relationship. Most of us have been taught parenting through coercion which is not only ineffective but is damaging to a child. I advise parents to review how they were parented, so that they don’t repeat the same mistakes. From my perspective, parenting through relationship is not a strategy but a philosophy.

Tell us three things that we don’t know about The Go-To Mom. Charm us.

• I have a foundation for children of trauma. I plan on spending the rest of my life advocating for children who don’t have a voice or choice.
• I love cars that have tires with shiny 19-inch rims.
• I would of love to have been a retro pin-up girl model in the 50’s.

Please feel free to post comments and questions for Kimberley.

Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT is a national parenting expert and a licensed Family and Child Therapist who specializes in working with children ages newborn to six years old. Kimberley is the founder and executive producer of a grassroots webshow, called www.TheGoToMom.TV. Kimberley is a national speaker and teaches Early Childhood Brain Development and Positive Discipline Strategies at UCLA Extension Education Department.

For more information on Kimberley’s book, Mommy Confidence: 8 Easy Steps to Reclaiming Balance, Motivation and Your Inner Diva visit www.MommyConfidence.com.

The Home Town Disadvantage Play Date

By Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT

Ever wonder why your well-mannered preschooler plays nicely at other people's homes then becomes a tyrant when a play date is on your home turf?

Your overly emotional, stingy, unwilling-to-share child is just learning how to share personal possessions -- not knowing if she'll ever get to play with them again. Sharing is an advanced form of thinking and behaving, so don't be shocked when you invite a child over for a play date and your little darling clings, grabs and hides her toys.

Your child is cooperative when she goes to play elsewhere because her guard is down and she is in an exploratory role. The novelty of the new toys and play environment keeps her from becoming aggressive and from taking toys from others. She also has an inherent feeling that she does not own the toys and should act accordingly in hopes to keep playing. Children are more likely to share when they've had a chance to experience the joy and value of the toy in possession. When parents play with their children and teach turn-taking it helps foster sharing with others.

Tips for peaceful and cooperative play dates on your home turf:

• Prepare your child in advance that a friend is coming over and ask if she'd like to put away her favorite toys since it is difficult for her to share. State that all toys left out are for everyone to enjoy.
• Inform your child that it is not okay to hit, push or take toys
• Encourage her to use her words when she becomes distressed
• Let her know that her friend will explore her toys and you'd like her to cooperate without grabbing
• Remind her that we she goes to a friend's home that they share with her and you'd like her to do the same
• Empathize and let her know you know how hard it is to share
• Model sharing by playing with your child and sharing your personal items that are safe and appropriate (hair brush, scarves, blankets, etc)
• Just because children may not share toys doesn't mean that they don't like each other. It takes time for children to adjust to regular play dates - especially at their own home.
• Keep the play dates consistent (by setting up regular dates) and prepare children ahead of time of what you expect. A good play date is when everyone wins!

Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT is a national parenting expert and a licensed Family and Child Therapist who specializes in working with children ages newborn to six years old. Kimberley is the founder and executive producer of a grassroots webshow, called www.TheGoToMom.TV. Kimberley is a national speaker and teaches Early Childhood Brain Development and Positive Discipline Strategies at UCLA Extension Education Department.

Stop Teaching Your Child To Read and Write?

By Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT

Question from a Reader:
I need advice and info about learning. What should my daughter be learning right now at age 4, and what is she capable of? Reading? Writing? Imaginative play? What brain develpmental stage is she in. Should i be teaching her reading and writing at home?

I have always taken a very laid back approach to teaching my daughter academics prior to her brain being ready. But when will she be ready. In this cut throat world in order for her to get into college and succeed do i need to start pushing things? Many kids in europe and around the world are already reading and writing prior to or in order to get into kindergarden?

Should we challenge the kids more if school is too easy?


Answer:
Great question. Research has shown that children under five need no formal academic instruction. In fact, children who come from loving homes where the parents often play and have frequent conversations have children who fair very well in Kindergarten. The best indicator if a child will be a good reader and writer is if the parents have books available at home along with being read to. A home where a child who is exposed to books in many different rooms of their home, is more likely to read then the child who is taken to a library. Funny huh? However, this is what the research shows.

The only thing children under five years of age need to be academically prepared, is to be raised in a loving, supportive, book enriched, non-abusive/impoverished environment. A young child's brain and muscle development is still processing at a primitive level, so if formal academics are introduced too early, then there is a possibility of creating a learning disability by forcing nature. Or worse yet, killing their spirit and making them lose their love of learning, which all children are born with. By the time a child turns five they begin to show interest and peaked confidence in using a pencil and paper. School enhances their predetermined skills an helps them to pick up reading and writing fairly quick.

I never taught my son how to hold a pencil or crayon. In fact, he hated pencils. After one week in Kindergarten, he came home took out his pencil can and began to write letters. I was shocked and reaffirmed that we did the right thing by not pushing any formal instruction. ABC magnets on the frig, singing the ABCs, labeling animals and pictures in books was all we really did wit him.

Schools are created to teach children how to read and write. Teachers get their credential to teach children these skills. Parents are here to support and guide.

Children under five should be playing outside, singing, building, creating, painting, experimenting with glue and strings, laughing and getting real dirty.

What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you agree or have a different approach? Please comment below.

Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT is a national parenting expert and a licensed Family and Child Therapist who specializes in working with children ages newborn to six years old. Kimberley is the founder and executive producer of a grassroots webshow, called www.TheGoToMom.TV. Kimberley is a national speaker and teaches Early Childhood Brain Development and Positive Discipline Strategies at UCLA Extension Education Department.

Telling Your Child that a Baby is on the Way

By Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT

Telling your child that a baby is on the way will depend on the their age. If you tell a child under two years old, she’ll look you in eye and then walk away. You can try giving her a baby doll to practice being a big sibling -- However, If you have a preschool aged child or older, they will most likely ask how you got the baby in your tummy and how it will get out.

When I became pregnant with my second boy, my son was four years old -- therefore I was able to have a fairly realistic conversation with him. I had a hard time getting pregnant the second time and every now and then my son would ask, “Am I ever going to have a sister or brother?” I’d look at him in amazement as I wondered that myself. My appropriate mommy response was, "we have to wish on a star and ask the universe to bring us the right baby.” Each night from then on my son would run outside with daddy and pretend to grab a star, run back inside and push his hand onto my tummy."

One morning, when I finally made it to nine weeks of pregnancy, after fifteen months of negative EPT’s, and looking really bloated, my son said, “Mommy! There must be a baby in that belly because it’s really big now.” I smiled and didn’t want to tell him until we got to the safe twelve-week zone. I said, "let’s hope so, all those stars you picked, one of them must have worked!" Let’s wait two more weeks to see if your star grows.

Two weeks later we gave him the happy news and his response was, “I knew that, I just knew there was a real baby in there.” Hmm, he did know and we couldn’t keep it from him, he was too connected to the universe at that point and we depended on him for his support for the next six months.

As we neared the baby’s birth date, our son did ask how the baby would come out. I nonchalantly told him that there are two ways. One way was through my tummy, the other way is through the baby passage-way near wear I go pee. He was worried that both those ways may hurt, so he recommended that I poop it out. He’s a guru I tell ya, a real guru.

Each family is has their own set of morals and values and may decide to tell their child the truth, may not tell them until the last minute or may take a whimsical approach as we did. There is really no "appropriate" way to break the news. However, preparation is key, so at some point your first-born needs to know that they will be sharing mommy and daddy with a new sibling.

Making your child your little helper and telling them that you will be sleeping and nursing baby often will be prepare him for the adjustment. We’d ask our son, “what do you think our new baby will do for the first few months?” He would say, "Cry, cry, cry." He got that one right!

The day I gave birth for the second time, we gave our five-year-old a wrapped gift and told him it was from his star, his new little brother. He played with that toy truck for three hours in my recovery room. It was the second best day of my life.

Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT is a national parenting expert and a licensed Family and Child Therapist who specializes in working with children ages newborn to six years old. Kimberley is the founder and executive producer of a grassroots webshow, called www.TheGoToMom.TV. Kimberley is a national speaker and teaches Early Childhood Brain Development and Positive Discipline Strategies at UCLA Extension Education Department.